RE: Divorce - One Stop Thread

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DenimDiva -> RE: Divorce - One Stop Thread (5/31/2008 9:48:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TATERBUGLETTE It takes two to get married. It takes two to get divorced. One person may have more reasons to get divorced, but that doesn't make them innocent on all accounts. They do have some amount, however small, of guilt towards the destruction of the marriage. quote: i cant agree with that. It only takes one to get divorced. We are all sinners of course, imperfect, we all make mistakes. Why should someone feel guilty when they were deserted by a spouse? Was one spouse always honoring God and trying to please their mate at all times?

hnt -> RE: Divorce - One Stop Thread (5/31/2008 10:34:17 AM)
No one can please everyone all the time. No one can serve everyone all the time. I'm sure everyone could find something in their lifes that doesn't live up to scripture. I think the repentance of things may come in time. There are people that no matter how well you are serving them, and how well you are honoring them....even in their spouse's defination of the terms....will still leave and divorce. Drinkers will still drink, Porn addicts will still do their thing...even if loved, honored and care for to the best of the families ability. I can see how people could take offense to the statement personally. Things will be reveiled in time, and those that automatically tell these people that they must repent NOW...aren't being realistic! Their timing is off, and before people say they must mention it right away the bible speaks of timing as well. Individuals need to deal with the pain, and for lack of a better term allowed to come up for air before other items are laid upon them. They need compassion, prayer and empathy. Other things of importance will be reveiled in time. Do we all have things that we need to repent of? I do believe we do. WHen it comes to an unrepentant spouse that would not cooperate or help themselves? I think for most they need to learn how to pray for that person, and they need to allow God to help them with the anger that will surface. Chances are good that the unrepentant spouse will attempt to hurt them more once they leave - or are kicked out - and they will need to learn to leave things in God's hands, and allow him to take care of things for them. During that struggle most people will have additional things to repent of. The spouse that is left will battle of all types of things, and those things we must repent of. I think items within the relationship may come to everyone in time that may not have been what God would wish of them. We all have to repent for all kinds of things with life. None of us are better than the other - even those that are divorced are NOT less than those that never will do that. We had a lady that was abandon by her spouse, and she was left to raise her boys. She said she had things to repent of, but it wasn't what most may think of. She couldn't have done anything to stop him I don't think. He was a broken soul that refused any love, help...or anything else of substance. All you can do is pray and leave it God's hands. Does everyone has to pray for repentance of what they may not have done within the marriage to save it? Not in all cases, because even the bible speaks of those that will do what they wish and no one is going to stop them.

DenimDiva -> RE: Divorce - One Stop Thread (5/31/2008 12:10:33 PM)
Admitting that both parties need repentance does not equate condoning abusive marriages.

TATERBUGLETTE -> RE: Divorce - One Stop Thread (5/31/2008 8:01:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hnt No one can please everyone all the time. No one can serve everyone all the time. I'm sure everyone could find something in their lifes that doesn't live up to scripture. I think the repentance of things may come in time. There are people that no matter how well you are serving them, and how well you are honoring them....even in their spouse's defination of the terms....will still leave and divorce. Drinkers will still drink, Porn addicts will still do their thing...even if loved, honored and care for to the best of the families ability. I can see how people could take offense to the statement personally. you said it very well. none of us are perfect. It is quite odd that some who are the abused party are told they must "repent". we all need to repent at times, most of us every day of something! But the spouse who is demolishing the marriage is the one who needs to repent in that situation. Things will be reveiled in time, and those that automatically tell these people that they must repent NOW...aren't being realistic! Their timing is off, and before people say they must mention it right away the bible speaks of timing as well. Individuals need to deal with the pain, and for lack of a better term allowed to come up for air before other items are laid upon them. They need compassion, prayer and empathy. Other things of importance will be reveiled in time. Do we all have things that we need to repent of? I do believe we do. WHen it comes to an unrepentant spouse that would not cooperate or help themselves? I think for most they need to learn how to pray for that person, and they need to allow God to help them with the anger that will surface. Chances are good that the unrepentant spouse will attempt to hurt them more once they leave - or are kicked out - and they will need to learn to leave things in God's hands, and allow him to take care of things for them. During that struggle most people will have additional things to repent of. The spouse that is left will battle of all types of things, and those things we must repent of. I think items within the relationship may come to everyone in time that may not have been what God would wish of them. We all have to repent for all kinds of things with life. None of us are better than the other - even those that are divorced are NOT less than those that never will do that. We had a lady that was abandon by her spouse, and she was left to raise her boys. She said she had things to repent of, but it wasn't what most may think of. She couldn't have done anything to stop him I don't think. He was a broken soul that refused any love, help...or anything else of substance. All you can do is pray and leave it God's hands. Does everyone has to pray for repentance of what they may not have done within the marriage to save it? Not in all cases, because even the bible speaks of those that will do what they wish and no one is going to stop them. well said.

TATERBUGLETTE -> RE: Divorce - One Stop Thread (5/31/2008 8:04:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DenimDiva quote: ORIGINAL: TATERBUGLETTE It takes two to get married. It takes two to get divorced. One person may have more reasons to get divorced, but that doesn't make them innocent on all accounts. They do have some amount, however small, of guilt towards the destruction of the marriage. quote: i cant agree with that. It only takes one to get divorced. We are all sinners of course, imperfect, we all make mistakes. Why should someone feel guilty when they were deserted by a spouse? Was one spouse always honoring God and trying to please their mate at all times? No. Nor do any of us walk on water. I have known of a spouse who went to her abusive husband and apologized for EVERYTHING she could think of that she had ever done wrong. She did it several times. No response from her verbally and emotionally abusive husband. He just said "i want a divorce".....she is the one who filed, for her never would. He simply repeated over and over "i dont love you, I want a divorce" and the abuse continued. she finally filed on him. She has nothing to repent of in the matter

DenimDiva -> RE: Divorce - One Stop Thread (5/31/2008 8:07:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TATERBUGLETTE quote: ORIGINAL: DenimDiva quote: ORIGINAL: TATERBUGLETTE It takes two to get married. It takes two to get divorced. One person may have more reasons to get divorced, but that doesn't make them innocent on all accounts. They do have some amount, however small, of guilt towards the destruction of the marriage. quote: i cant agree with that. It only takes one to get divorced. We are all sinners of course, imperfect, we all make mistakes. Why should someone feel guilty when they were deserted by a spouse? Was one spouse always honoring God and trying to please their mate at all times? No. Nor do any of us walk on water. I have known of a spouse who went to her abusive husband and apologized for EVERYTHING she could think of that she had ever done wrong. She did it several times. No response from her verbally and emotionally abusive husband. He just said "i want a divorce".....she is the one who filed, for her never would. He simply repeated over and over "i don't love you, I want a divorce" and the abuse continued. she finally filed on him. She has nothing to repent of in the matter It sounds like she did do quite a bit of repenting.

TATERBUGLETTE -> RE: Divorce - One Stop Thread (6/1/2008 7:36:35 PM)
a woman shouldnt have to grovel in front of her husband over every minor mistake she has made to save a marriage. this isnt marriage, its slavery. and it that case it did no good.

DenimDiva -> RE: Divorce - One Stop Thread (6/1/2008 7:37:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TATERBUGLETTE a woman shouldn't have to grovel in front of her husband over every minor mistake she has made to save a marriage. this isn't marriage, its slavery. and it that case it did no good. me thinks you have a whole 'nother idea about what repentance really is.

TATERBUGLETTE -> RE: Divorce - One Stop Thread (6/1/2008 7:50:07 PM)
why do you think I dont know what repentance is? actually we are off topic. repentence is admitting you are wrong before God . Its agreeing with God that you are a sinner. next question.

blessednw -> RE: Divorce - One Stop Thread (6/2/2008 12:58:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DenimDiva quote: ORIGINAL: TATERBUGLETTE a woman shouldn't have to grovel in front of her husband over every minor mistake she has made to save a marriage. this isn't marriage, its slavery. and it that case it did no good. me thinks you have a whole 'nother idea about what repentance really is. Groveling? True repentance is not groveling, no way. True repentance is an honest admission of one's sin, missing of the mark. Knowing that that explosiveness on your part was not honoring to your mate or the Lord. Admitting that the worrying and nagging is not what God desires for them. Acknowledging that the lack of faith and fellowship with the Lord is proving to be a burden to the family. Recognizing our own behavior and if it is in line with what the Lord lays out for us in His word, promising enablement by the Spirit. I would say that a woman's repentance for the times she was in the flesh, not pursuing godly behavior, and trying not to blame her husband for her own sin...."HE WAS BAD so I COULDN"T HELP MYSELF!" kind of things........ is different from feeling that one must take "all the blame" for the FAILURE of the marriage. What a heavy. I think "failure" is the wrong word. A better word is RESIGNATION to "giving up" on each other's commitment before God. Each one has a part in that, unless of course someone does not "give up" on their commitment to God. The repentance I encourage is the kind of repentance that says, "Search me oh God and know my heart, because I do not know my own heart oftentimes. " This kind of repentance says... You know, I've just been HURT, and OFFENDED and angry and ready to leave the country or pray for an early death or tempted to commit adultery or wanting to kill my spouse or just want to get shock treatment or become an alcoholic or .............................some thing extreme to take away my hurt and frustration, and so I could not see my own wrongness (since I am the one that is hurt and offended) SO..... Maybe I should think about at least some of what my spouse has said, even in anger and pray about the things. Is there anything that is true? Is there anything at all that may have been very difficult for them because I was expecting perfection or complete understanding for my preference 24/7? Was I blind to what was happening to them? Did I pray for them? Did I condemn them without the benefit of knowing their heart completely? What is in my own heart Lord? And, if the Holy Spirit should point things out, that seeker can agree with Him about certain sins, (not just generally being a sinner for initial salvation entrance as a son, but because one is aware of missing the mark, after becoming a believer), and repent (turn around) and ask forgiveness of God and others that were sinned against. This can bring down a wall of hostility, at least on the part of one person in the estranged couple, and put that person in a place to begin to pray more out of an unselfish desire to see that offensive, sinning spouse turn back to righteousness and obedience to God. This is not impossible. This is not legalism. This is not earning salvation. This is what walking in humility and obedience should be like, "the normal christian life" We are to live a repentant lifestyle, that is avoid sin, yet if and as soon as it happens, hopefully having been ****ed in conscience, turning to God, agreeing with Him and accepting His cleansing and asking Him to change us to be more like Him. In this life, we will always have some sort of struggle with our flesh, but we are also to be winning our battles, by His careful and kind discipline, according to the Scriptures. Hopefully we learn from our mistakes and from being changed from glory to glory.

TATERBUGLETTE -> RE: Divorce - One Stop Thread (6/2/2008 9:27:24 AM)
I would say that a woman's repentance for the times she was in the flesh, not pursuing godly behavior, and trying not to blame her husband for her own sin...."HE WAS BAD so I COULDN"T HELP MYSELF!" kind of things........ is different from feeling that one must take "all the blame" for the FAILURE of the marriage. What a heavy. I think "failure" is the wrong word. A better word is RESIGNATION to "giving up" on each other's commitment before God. Each one has a part in that, unless of course someone does not "give up" on their commitment to God. The repentance I encourage is the kind of repentance that says, "Search me oh God and know my heart, because I do not know my own heart oftentimes. " This kind of repentance says... You know, I've just been HURT, and OFFENDED and angry and ready to leave the country or pray for an early death or tempted to commit adultery or wanting to kill my spouse or just want to get shock treatment or become an alcoholic or .............................some thing extreme to take away my hurt and frustration, and so I could not see my own wrongness (since I am the one that is hurt and offended) SO..... Maybe I should think about at least some of what my spouse has said, even in anger and pray about the things. Is there anything that is true? Is there anything at all that may have been very difficult for them because I was expecting perfection or complete understanding for my preference 24/7? Was I blind to what was happening to them? Did I pray for them? Did I condemn them without the benefit of knowing their heart completely? What is in my own heart Lord? i dont entirely disagree with you. But i dont fully agree either.. A rebellious spouse can be incredibly cruel . It happens. If I've prayed and asked Gods forgivness for my faults, and asked my spouse, then my conscience is clear before Jesus, by His grace alone! To go down a long list of "did i do this right, or wrong" ....well you need to see things as they really happened, but you dont need to spend time taking mental inventory of EVERYTHING done. It serves no purpose. "sorry i burned dinner on October 12th, 1987"...that sort of thing. It needs to be being honest before God but not a beating up myself session for being human.

DenimDiva -> RE: Divorce - One Stop Thread (6/6/2008 3:31:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TATERBUGLETTE i don't entirely disagree with you. But i don't fully agree either.. A rebellious spouse can be incredibly cruel . It happens. If I've prayed and asked Gods forgiveness for my faults, and asked my spouse, then my conscience is clear before Jesus, by His grace alone! To go down a long list of "did i do this right, or wrong" ....well you need to see things as they really happened, but you don't need to spend time taking mental inventory of EVERYTHING done. It serves no purpose. "sorry i burned dinner on October 12th, 1987"...that sort of thing. It needs to be being honest before God but not a beating up myself session for being human. You're right. God just wants honest repentance and not self-bashing.

Saulomo -> RE: Divorce - One Stop Thread (7/2/2008 3:18:29 PM)
If married in the church as christians, everyone in the church has prayed to God for the marriage to succeed. Still, why does Christians get divorced at the same rate as non-christians?

dontbelonghere -> RE: Divorce - One Stop Thread (7/2/2008 3:51:02 PM)
Because we're people, not gods. And by the very nature of being people, we fall short of perfection.

Kath -> RE: Divorce - One Stop Thread (7/2/2008 4:03:41 PM)
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