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new to site - 6/18/2008 10:32:08 PM
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JTsmom
Posts: 5
Joined: 6/18/2008
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Hi everyone, this is my first time on this site. My husband and I have been separated 6 months. We were married for 12 years. I have been doing pretty well. But today I found out for sure my husband is seeing someone. I always suspected something. He has been friends with this girl he met while getting his masters degree. He claimed they were just friends but today I ran by his house thinking he would be at work to drop off his birthday card and gift from his son and her car was parked in the drive way. She drove from TN. to see him. This isn't the first time. I am really torn. I have been doing alot of reading. I have a great support group of family and friends. I have a great relationship with his mom. sometimes I talk to her more than my own mom. For the last 6 months my goal and prayer was that my husband would get saved and we would be reconciled. Now I don't care if he ever comes back. I do hope he finds salvation. But for the first time since our separation I wish he would go ahead and file for divorce. I know this is the worst thing but I am tired of hurting. I never in my life thought he could do what he has done to our family. I know this is bad but sometimes I pray that God would send him to Iraq so at least he would be away from her. I don't wish anything to happen to him I just want her to go away. I am going to visit his family at the end of the month for a week. First time since the separation. I went to a Divorce care group when we first separated but didn't feel ready,but I think I will go tomorrow night. Well thanks for letting me vent. Please pray for my husband. I don't know what to do. I feel like God isn't hearing my prayers. I know He has a plan. I don't know what I would do without Him. 
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RE: new to site - 6/18/2008 10:45:50 PM
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Kat_D
Posts: 3225
Joined: 9/2/2005
From: Where We Shake, Rattle & Roll!
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I am so sorry for your pain and I am so glad you are here! Welcome!
It sounds like you have a good support system and a good outlook after just finding out such devastating news. I know the Lord will see you through this...He loves you...try to cling to Him and His Word. I pray that He would reveal Himself to you in a way He never has before during this very difficult time.
Again, I am so sorry you are going through this. My heart and prayers are with you.
_____________________________
~Kat
"...And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes...no more death, sorrow, nor crying."
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RE: new to site - 6/18/2008 11:38:29 PM
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Liveloved
Posts: 1413
Joined: 1/22/2008
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JTsmom,
You're hurting. I'm sorry. Your spouse is probably hurting too. Don't let what you saw discourage you. That's what satan wants. If you truly want your marriage to be restored and love your husband, just cry out to God to do a miracle in your heart and your spouse's heart so that restoration can take place. Your son deserves to grow up with his mom and dad---that is the way God planned it. Believe in God's plan and don't let the lies and the distractions of satan get to you, dear. Speak kind, loving, encouraging, believing words to your spouse and to yourself. Thank God for what He has done and WILL do to restore your marriage. And bless you as you pray and wait, LL 
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RE: new to site - 6/19/2008 12:34:02 PM
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JTsmom
Posts: 5
Joined: 6/18/2008
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Thank you to all those who are praying. And for the advice. I just emailed my husband and told him I was sorry for dropping in without calling. I feel better now that I did what I know God would want me to do. It is in His hands and nothing I do will change anything. Only prayer, reading my Bible and having a place to come and vent really helps. I am soooo glad I found this place. I am praying for you too. God Bless.
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RE: new to site - 6/19/2008 1:11:23 PM
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Kat_D
Posts: 3225
Joined: 9/2/2005
From: Where We Shake, Rattle & Roll!
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quote:
ORIGINAL: JTsmom
Thank you to all those who are praying. And for the advice. I just emailed my husband and told him I was sorry for dropping in without calling. I feel better now that I did what I know God would want me to do. It is in His hands and nothing I do will change anything. Only prayer, reading my Bible and having a place to come and vent really helps. I am soooo glad I found this place. I am praying for you too. God Bless.
Sending that e-mail had to be a hard thing to do, but if anything will win your husband to the Lord and hopefully back to your marriage it will be your godly behavior towards him while he is displaying such ungodly behavior towards you.
14 "Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse...17 Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. 18 If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. 19 Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, "Vengeance is Mine, I will repay," says the Lord. 20 Therefore "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; If he is thirsty, give him a drink; For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head." 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." -Romans 12
God bless you!
_____________________________
~Kat
"...And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes...no more death, sorrow, nor crying."
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RE: new to site - 6/19/2008 3:32:35 PM
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Kat_D
Posts: 3225
Joined: 9/2/2005
From: Where We Shake, Rattle & Roll!
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quote:
At this point, I think you need to be a little more proactive - meaning that YOU file for divorce.
With all due respect, you don't know her and it is reckless to give this sort of advice at this point, imo.
JT's Mom, I encourage you to keep seeking the Lord...He will be faithful to show you what to do and when to do it.
_____________________________
~Kat
"...And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes...no more death, sorrow, nor crying."
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RE: new to site - 6/19/2008 4:24:37 PM
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deermousie
Posts: 1496
Joined: 9/26/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: sylvan
At this point, I think you need to be a little more proactive - meaning that YOU file for divorce.
This is possibly contrary to 1 Cor. 7:10, 13-14:
Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband
And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy.
Since you are separated, this might not apply; dunno. But it has implications for your son.
quote:
I would go get an attorney to start the divorce process and put this behind you. Then you can begin to heal.
It might be better for you, but a high number of divorced women live below the poverty line. It would be a disaster to your son - the long-term studies show that kids never really recover from having their lives torn apart by divorce, and it apparently affects them for life (more likely to do poorly in school, more likely to be involved with premarital sex, more likely to divorce themselves).
No doubt you are in a tough place, JTsMom, and I grieve for you. I wish a posse of married men would take your husband behind the woodshed and show him the error of his ways. If your husband insists on not acting like a married man, then you are helpless and blameless, and the damage to your son is his fault. But it must be tearing your guts out. I'm so sorry. I am praying for you. (((Hugs))) May God give this man the holy 2x4 treatment upside the head (God does that sometimes) or somehow convict him of his sin and set him straight with you and your son. God bless you.
_____________________________
Want to know where a certain word or phrase in the Bible is found? www.biblegateway.com Yay!
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RE: new to site - 6/19/2008 6:06:50 PM
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Kat_D
Posts: 3225
Joined: 9/2/2005
From: Where We Shake, Rattle & Roll!
Status: offline
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quote:
God doesn't want us to hurt or be in unhappy homes.
Matthew 10:12-14
As you enter the home, give it your greeting. If the home is deserving, let your peace rest on it; if it is not, let your peace return to you. If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, shake the dust off your feet when you leave that home or town.
Um, that Scripture has to do with sharing the Gospel and what we are to do if people meet it with contempt.
God hates divorce...being in an unhappy home or hurting in your marriage is not biblical grounds for divorce.
_____________________________
~Kat
"...And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes...no more death, sorrow, nor crying."
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RE: new to site - 6/19/2008 7:00:51 PM
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jaimestarcross
Posts: 771
Joined: 11/28/2005
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Although things may look bad doesn't mean they actually are...
so far there's no proof of cheating unless he's confessed to cheating or you caught them in the "act".
Remember a man who's not being pressured will feel more free to talk with another
woman about his problems... this could be the reason he's talking to the lady "friend" there's no conflict between the two of them and he feels at ease to talk with her since they have a friendship.
*It's best to call before dropping in on him. No need to make him feel
like you're checking up on him.
*How are you releasing your frustrations?
I've suggested to a lot of my friends to either get in some punching bag time at the gym or drop by Chuck E Cheese and flail on the Whackamole!
* I'm also disappointed that the vast majority of people are using separation to find another love... that's not what separation is for --- It's a cooling off period, a time to get one's self in order, correct bad behavior - seek help etc. This is why so many people don't know how to work out relationship problems. They've been so influenced by friends, media, movies etc... that separation time is a time to find new romance/date others. They are moving on but they have unresolved personal baggage problems that they drag into another relationship and when personal problems arise in that relationship - the natural reaction is to leave and seek another relationship.
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RE: new to site - 6/19/2008 11:24:29 PM
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Kat_D
Posts: 3225
Joined: 9/2/2005
From: Where We Shake, Rattle & Roll!
Status: offline
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quote:
I guess here in CW it means to accept and tolerate abuse and neglect.....well, keep preaching that.
No, my utmost desire is to lead others according to the Word of God and I will keep preaching that because it is our sure foundation.
No where in the OP did I see that JTsmom is being abused and, of course, no one would ever encourage her to stay in a marriage if that were taking place. I was just encouraging her not to rush into anything and to wait on the Lord.
Oh, and nowhere in the Bible does God promise us that we will have "happiness." No, this is what He says:
33 "These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world." -John 16
27 "Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." -John 14
30 "As for God, His way is perfect; The word of the Lord is proven; He is a shield to all who trust in Him. 31 For who is God, except the Lord? And who is a rock, except our God? 32 It is God who arms me with strength, And makes my way perfect." -Psalms 18
2 "My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. 4 But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing." -James 1
We will have trials as JT'smom is having, but God will give us peace and protection in the midst of them, strength to endure them, and He will use them for our good if we allow Him to. I think she understands that.
_____________________________
~Kat
"...And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes...no more death, sorrow, nor crying."
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RE: new to site - 6/21/2008 10:22:48 PM
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Kath
Posts: 16554
Joined: 2/28/2005
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sylvan
Engaging in forceful and sustained advisement of a member to obtain a divorce is considered a TOS violation. Please stop immediately. Your posts have been removed from this thread.
If you have comments, questions or concerns about this policy, please email community@salemwebnetwork.com allowing time for a reply during normal business hours. Please do not discuss this communication in forums or with me via PM. Thank you.
Sincerely
Kath
Volunteer Assistant Administrator
Please do not reply to this message within the Community.
Please do not send me PMs regarding this message as I am unable to discuss it further.
Please email Community@salemwebnetwork.com with questions, comments, or concerns allowing time for a response during normal business hours.
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Please review our FAQ for an explanation as to why one cannot confront a moderator directly.
< Message edited by Kath -- 6/21/2008 10:29:28 PM >
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RE: new to site - 6/23/2008 1:18:13 PM
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JTsmom
Posts: 5
Joined: 6/18/2008
Status: offline
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Just an update. I went to my group counseling and it really helped. My husband came over last night and visited for about 2 hours. We did not mention what happened Wed. Thanks to all for your help. I do not plan on filing for a divorce. If that happens it will be up to my husband. I know God has a plan. I have to focus on Him and not my circumstances. He has seen me through so much. I appreciate having this Forum to talk. Thank you and God Bless.
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RE: new to site - 6/23/2008 1:49:54 PM
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DenimDiva
Posts: 6059
Joined: 9/28/2007
From: CA
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((((JTsmom)))) still praying for you.
_____________________________
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RE: new to site - 6/23/2008 5:14:16 PM
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slushie
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I'm glad the counseling helped. ((((((hugs))))))
_____________________________
Testify to Love
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