|
Users viewing this topic:
none
|
|
Login  | |
|
please help me - 10/6/2008 4:49:56 PM
|
|
|
shell18_86
Posts: 18
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline
|
i have this problem...i met this guy a week ago today and he is a nice guy but im not interested in dating him because for one he does not have a personal relationship with god and doesnt put god first in his life and 2) outside of religion he is not my type. i told him after 2 days that i am only interested in being friends because we are not compatible in our faith in god. i did not tell him about him not being my type because he has very low self esteem and i did not want to hurt his feelings. he didnt listen and wrote me a love poem. i told him again i just wanted to be friends and he says he doesnt know if he can be friends because he really thinks he may be falling for me but he wants to try. that scares me because he doesnt even know me and he thinks hes falling for me. but i overlooked it and have still talked to him and have been trying to talk to him about god. he calls me all the time and wants to see me all the time. today he sends me a text and tells me " i was wondering if it would be ok if i went to church with you sunday. please dont think im doing this just for you i really want to try going to church." this message bothered me in many ways. for one i dont feel it is appropriate for us to go together and another thing that bothers me is he said "just for you" which to me implies that part of the reason is for me. not to mention that his family's church is 5 min. away from him and my church is 30 minutes away. it just doesnt make sense. so at this point i am very uncomfortable and something tells me it is not a good idea for him to go to church with me. i have been honest with this guy but he seams to still think there can be a relationship in the future and im also afraid he thinks that if he gets saved i will date him which would be him getting saved for all the wrong reasons. my question is how should i respond to his text message? what should i do at this point? how do i get my point across and back off with out hurting him or saying something that is unchristian like? i really need some advice on this please..i dont know what to do.
_____________________________
it is in that moment, when i remember that god loves me and will never leave me, that i am overcome with a sense of peace like i have never felt before and i smile because i know everything will be ok.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: please help me - 10/6/2008 4:59:02 PM
|
|
|
laura...
Posts: 2851
Joined: 3/1/2005
From: NE Ohio
Status: offline
|
You say to him either by phone, email or text, "I am not interested in pursuing a relationship with you. I believe that even a friendship is not possible at this time. Do not call, text or contact me anymore." Then don't do anything that would encourage a friendship. From what you wrote, this guy has stalker potential. You must be very blunt with him.
_____________________________
This is what the Lord says: “Stop at the crossroads and look around. Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it. Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls. But you reply, ‘No, that’s not the road we want!’ Jer 6:16
|
|
|
|
|
RE: please help me - 10/6/2008 7:13:58 PM
|
|
|
shell18_86
Posts: 18
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline
|
no i do not have a father to help. i thought i had been blunt and straight foreward but i guess i didnt do a good enough job since he still is trying. when you said the word stalker it really helped me to realise that at this point i can no longer worry about hurting his feelings. im just going to have to sever all contact. it just really kills me to hurt someones feelings but i think you guys are right.
deermousie you said have your father or pastor set him straight and away. i have been thinking of telling my pastor in case this guy shows up at the church.
_____________________________
it is in that moment, when i remember that god loves me and will never leave me, that i am overcome with a sense of peace like i have never felt before and i smile because i know everything will be ok.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: please help me - 10/6/2008 7:21:07 PM
|
|
|
pbaribeault
Posts: 1054
Joined: 4/29/2005
Status: offline
|
I'm thinking that you can be a friend as long as he respects your boundaries. Meaning, you tell him he is free to go to any Church any time, but that if he comes to yours it will be his choice and you will not be going 'together' in any sense, and that he will be expected to find his own seat apart from you.
With a friend like this, you need to be firm and clear about what is not OK, and not to have conversations that you don't want to have... like conversations about how he feels about you. He can feel it, but you'd better teach him to keep it to himself and treat you in a way that you are comfortable.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: please help me - 10/7/2008 4:52:14 PM
|
|
|
jaimestarcross
Posts: 779
Joined: 11/28/2005
Status: online
|
Be firm but honest with him... tell him to cease all contact
with you... since he's failed to adhere to previous comment about
friendship only - tell him he broke your rule and now there's to be
no more contact or you'll report him for harassing or stalking.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: please help me - 10/7/2008 5:58:49 PM
|
|
|
mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12577
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: laura...
You say to him either by phone, email or text, "I am not interested in pursuing a relationship with you. I believe that even a friendship is not possible at this time. Do not call, text or contact me anymore." Then don't do anything that would encourage a friendship. From what you wrote, this guy has stalker potential. You must be very blunt with him.
Just needed repeated.......I've been there - you must be beyond blunt.
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: please help me - 10/7/2008 9:17:41 PM
|
|
|
shell18_86
Posts: 18
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline
|
thank you all very much for your much needed advice...i have not recieved a call or text since noon today so hopefully my problem is over with.
mutiny- its good to know im not the only one who has been through this...i have been sitting here thinking how crazy this is and how in the world did i ever get mixed up in something like this lol so its nice to know im not alone in this experience.
_____________________________
it is in that moment, when i remember that god loves me and will never leave me, that i am overcome with a sense of peace like i have never felt before and i smile because i know everything will be ok.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: please help me - 10/7/2008 9:40:23 PM
|
|
|
mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12577
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
Status: offline
|
I had someone who I emailed for about a week, and then sat and talked to in person for a couple of hours, started calling me "hun" and texting me morning, noon and night - saying that we were perfect for one another, etc - all the while he hadn't ever repented of his previous sinful relationships.
I had to tell him that I was NOT his "hun" and that even someone I am dating doesn't get to call me that until we're very serious. I told him to stop. He sent one more saying he didn't want to make me mad.
I've not heard from him since.
Nope, you're not alone.
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: please help me - 10/9/2008 2:38:25 PM
|
|
|
DeeAnnBailey
Posts: 2542
Joined: 3/23/2006
From: SC
Status: offline
|
Ok, I don't normally post over here but I'm reading this and wondering, am I the only person here who sees the BIG RED FLAGS???? You told him you were not interested....he wrote you a love poem. You told him again you could be friends but he said ...he could be falling in love with you. You told him he didn't share your faith in God...he says 'I really want to try to go to church'.
Take this advise from both a mother and someone who had counseled abused woman - run, run fast and make sure that others know you want no part of a relationship with this man. These are classic signs of a controling and abusive personality. If he believes you are going to cut ties, it all probability, he will back off just long enough to make you feel that he 'is trying to be friends' when he contacts you again.
Talk to your pastor but be very careful that you keep your distance from this man.
_____________________________
D. Ann Bailey
My Blog Dee's Delights and Delusions
<<<<<<The love of my life - precious Erin!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: please help me - 10/9/2008 5:28:19 PM
|
|
|
preserved
Posts: 752
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline
|
It seems that you are going to have to sever your friendship with him...If he is heads over hill for you...making your comment but yet being friends with him is sending mixed signals...Simply tell again that you are not interested...then ignore the calls and the text messages... You met him a week ago.. you gave him your number...but you told him after 2 days that you only wanted to be friends? yet he is still contacting you.....
|
|
|
|
 New Messages |
 No New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/ New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/o New Messages |
 Locked w/ New Messages |
 Locked w/o New Messages |
|
 Post New Thread
Reply to Message
Post New Poll
Submit Vote
Delete My Own Post
Delete My Own Thread
Rate Posts |
|
|
Forum Tools
Printable Version
At least he knew where he stood, which is kinder than making him wonder if he has a chance. 
