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seeks more affection. help? - 8/30/2008 1:34:14 PM
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fingerprintsofgod
Posts: 49
Joined: 8/19/2008
Status: offline
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my top 2 love languages that are tied-
1) physical touch
2) words of affirmation
and i yearn this more than ever.
how do i make him more affectionate?
how do i nicely put it? and try? and without words?
cos i've tried with words... :(
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RE: seeks more affection. help? - 8/30/2008 1:36:52 PM
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fingerprintsofgod
Posts: 49
Joined: 8/19/2008
Status: offline
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oh yes. another question.
how do i become less self-centred?
pray for me. thanks.
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RE: seeks more affection. help? - 8/30/2008 2:05:02 PM
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shadowspring
Posts: 1611
Joined: 5/27/2006
Status: online
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Keep taking your concerns to God in prayer, fingerprints. That may sound trite, but it is not trite, it is POWERFUL!
Next, try being more physically affectionate with your husband. You reach for his hand when you're walking down the road. Smile and kiss him on the cheek and say "I love you" each time you have been parted for a short time- when you return from work, the grocery store, etc.
If he is a couch potato, sit next to him and snuggle up with him for a few minutes. Even if TV bores you and you get up and leave, try to snuggle with him several times a night.
As far as the words of affirmation, make a list of affirming scriptures and say them out loud to yourself morning and night. It also helps to have girlfriends with the gift of encouragement. Don't look to dh to meet all your needs!
Finally, along with prayer and loving-kindness, do keep talking to him about your likes. But try to do it in a positive way. Reward him big time with lots of gratitude when he rises to the occasion and first reaches for your hand on a walk! Don't talk as much about when he has let you down or not been there for you, try to talk up the times he has come through.
And keep praying! Oh, and you can't pray too much. Don't worry about that! 
_____________________________
"Blessed is the man...whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law meditates day and night. He will be like a tree planted by rivers of water..." from Psalm 1
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RE: seeks more affection. help? - 8/30/2008 4:36:24 PM
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MWD
Posts: 163
Joined: 8/23/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline
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Your first post suggests the problem is at your guy's end.
Your second post suggests the problem is at your end.
Which is it?
Has anyone actually told you you're self-centered, and if so, under what circumstances? Details, please.
_____________________________
"The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he doesn't exist."
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RE: seeks more affection. help? - 8/30/2008 4:45:10 PM
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MC4JC
Posts: 201
Joined: 7/6/2008
From: Minnesota
Status: offline
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You can't "make" anyone do anything - a lot of divorced people learn that lesson the hard way!
But you can show him by your actions and by communications. Let him know what you do like or how you feel when he does something you like. That usually prompts them into doing more. Like a friend says "you get more honey by being nice then mean".
DH and I can talk to each other about our needs without the other getting upset or mad. But we have a built in radar with each other and always seem to know when the other needs TLC :)
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RE: seeks more affection. help? - 8/31/2008 2:55:02 PM
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fingerprintsofgod
Posts: 49
Joined: 8/19/2008
Status: offline
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please read my thread: 7 years & wanting to get married./
He says: why do guys not want to settle down.
shadowspring:
i will take heed of that and keep on praying and praying.
i've been hurting.
yes. im the one who have been trying to be affectionate...
but been feeling rejected.
MWD:
guy says im self-centred... we're both only childs.
and i am trying my best... i'm spoilt by my parents up to a certain extent-
but still. im really trying my best and i just feel like..i suck.
MC4JC:
yeah that's nice...i've already tried all that.
perhaps we used to be at the stage where there was the built in radar
and now he's tired...or sick of me...or...i dont know.
why does it seem that it's all my fault
when i know both parties are prolly at fault?
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RE: seeks more affection. help? - 9/1/2008 2:12:57 AM
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fingerprintsofgod
Posts: 49
Joined: 8/19/2008
Status: offline
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shadowspring:
im not ready to give up.
its been almost 7 yrs..and yes. :(
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RE: seeks more affection. help? - 9/1/2008 7:52:35 AM
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MC4JC
Posts: 201
Joined: 7/6/2008
From: Minnesota
Status: offline
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Oh I didn't realize this was not your husband, but a boyfriend. In that case, IMO I think you should get out of the relationship now. He's not gonna change and if you've waited this long for things to get better....you are fooling yourself.
Time to have "the talk" and the sooner the better. God has someone much better for you out there.
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RE: seeks more affection. help? - 9/1/2008 8:27:12 AM
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nuinchrist
Posts: 46
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline
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Use this as a sign to get out. Lucky you his behavior is exposed before you say "I do". Now, you're saying "I don't". Pay attention to that. If you communicated and have done some of the things you described then take that as a sign that it will not change before or after the marriage. God is talking to you. Leave and save yourself of further headaches. This man is not ready and he might not be ready for any relationship. Imagine that!
Give yourself a decent chance at happiness. Right now if glaring you in the face, take notice!
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